Complete Wellness

A Place for Healing MindBodySpirit


Are You Gay?

One way to conceptualize the way our sexuality and sexual identity is to see our physical appearance as man or a woman, our sexual orientation, that is, to whom we are attracted, and our sexual identity, whether we feel like a woman or a man, as three seperate dice. The dice are loaded to make it such that most of the time, if we look like a man, we also feel like a man and are attracted to women And if we look a woman, usually we feel like a woman and are attracted to men. That promotes the perpetuation of the species, however, there can be any combination or permutation genetically. And these are the kind of dice that have a whole bunch of sides; lots of options.

This leaves room for the person who looks like a man but identifies as a woman and is attracted to women, or the person who appears to be a woman but feels like a man, and is attracted to...whomever. Or those who are attracted to both sexes and even those who seem to defy any definition. There is room for all of us.

The three dice are seperate and can land any way. This is an overly simplified schematic, but it can help. Certainly, it doesn't take into account the way life experience can affect us. Trauma, abuse, cultural climate or other extenuating circumstances can create all kinds of changes to our natural expression of sexuality. But all those things are on top of what seems more and more certainly to be in-born predisposition or genetic coding.

And then there's that incomprehensible wild card of love. When I had a woman in for her annual physical one time, she explained that she was divorced from her husband, the father of her children, and was now engaged to be married to another woman. I asked if she had always known that she was gay. She casually responded that she never considered herself gay, she had simply fallen in love.

As Ellen DeGeneres so aptly put it, (tongue in cheek), why don't we stop trying to define people by their sexuality and just judge them by the car they drive. It's all just a crap shoot anyway.




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